


Nothing is Ever As Simple as Black and White

by PhoenixRising360



Series: Moving Forward [4]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 05:35:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6067060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixRising360/pseuds/PhoenixRising360
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony faces his future...and Gibbs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to say thank you for all the kudos, bookmarks and comments on these stories. They've meant a lot to me. I hope you enjoy the conclusion to this series. Thank you all for your support and encouragement.

Tony woke up early the next morning, and checked the clock. He still had an hour before he had to get up. He needed to call Tim before Tim left for work and wondered if it would be too early to call him now. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Delilah would already be up so that meant Tim would be up. It wasn't like Tony ever called him before work unless it was for a case, so…

Tony hit the speed dial and waited.

"Tony? What's up? Do we have a case?" Tim sounded awake and Tony could hear him stirring something in the background, was pretty sure it was coffee.

"No case yet, Probie. I needed to talk to you before work. I talked to Abby last night."

"Yeah? How'd it go?"

He gave Tim a brief rundown on the conversation with Abby, leaving out their argument, and then he told him about how she asked for his resume to be forwarded.

"Oh, please tell me you didn't tell her I already knew," Tim practically groaned.

"She doesn't know you know."

"Thank God, or she would've killed you." Tony could hear Tim breathe a sigh of relief. "I will tell her that you just told me and that I offered to help with the job search and that you told me that Abs was already on it and that I suggested that she and I work on it together. She'll like that."

Tony hesitated, surprised that Tim would be so willing to lie for him. "That…that sounds perfect. Thanks, Tim. I really appreciate this."

"Glad to do it, Tony. What'd she say about how Gibbs was treating you?"

"Well, I don't think she knows. She seems to believe that Gibbs will fight to keep me on. I'm not sure she would believe me if she didn't see it for herself."

Tim was quiet for a moment and Tony could practically hear the wheels turn in his head. "Yeah, that makes sense. So what did you tell her?"

"I told her I didn't want to deal with terrorism any more, which is true. I didn't want to deal with anything more like The Calling, and that I was ready to move on."

"Right, got it. Don't worry, Tony, between Abby and me, we'll help you find something. I read your resume. You never told me you got two Masters."

"Not a big deal," Tony said without thinking, remembering that Tim was proud of his degrees. He mentally kicked himself. "Took a while to finish," he said as though that was why it wasn't a big deal, and it was true, so it wasn't like he was lying.

Tim hesitated for a moment and Tony could hear him let out a breath. "Well, we've always had an erratic work schedule."

"Exactly." Tony allowed his body to relax, hoping that he covered enough. Tony really didn't think the degrees were that big a deal but he'd remembered a second too late that Tim thought they were and right now really wasn't the time to make anyone feel belittled, especially after the way last night had gone. The last thing he needed was to alienate any more friends in his life by being a jerk. "Anyway, thanks Tim. I'll forward it to Abs this morning before I leave. Just…don't do the search at work, okay? I don't want anyone knowing about this, especially not Gibbs…He probably already knows anyway."

"I know, Tony. I've only been searching at home, I promise. I won't even talk to Abby about it at work."

Tony smiled. Tim was really stepping up for him. "I owe you one, Tim. I'll see you at work." He hung up without saying goodbye and set the phone back on the night stand. Wow! He didn't know what he had done to deserve this but he was grateful. It felt good to have Tim in his corner like this. He vowed that if he moved away, he would make a real effort to stay in touch.

He laid back, let his eyes close as he thought over the conversation with Abby last night. He still felt pretty emotionally battered, but he had to admit that was probably the most honest they'd been with each other in a very long time. He wondered if she would witness Gibbs' treatment of him, and how she would react. Knowing Gibbs, he would be careful around her because no one wanted a hysterical Abby on their hands. He sighed as his mind drifted. He doubted his relationship with Abby would ever be the same. He winced in memory at the things she said. Yeah, okay, she was stressed out and she spoke without thinking, but that outburst made him feel like that was what she really thought of him deep down. Needy, attention-seeking. Pathetic, maybe? Okay, maybe all of that was a little true or even a lot true, or used to be true but he never thought she'd use it against him. Then again, she actually liked his father and the things he'd said over the years seem to have been forgotten.

A wave of irritation washed over him. If he were honest with himself, he knew why he had smoothed things over with her. It was because she'd be unbearable if he didn't. She'd constantly look at him with those big puppy dog eyes, it would make things tense at work and it would cause even more friction with Gibbs than there already was. He did love her, it was hard not to. She had her faults but he had his too, as she had pointed out. He liked to think he was getting better. He knew he had a long way to go so it wasn't like he could be too hard on her when he was so far from perfect. It would just be better to part on good terms and then let their friendship fade naturally once he had moved on if it did. If they stayed in touch, great, but he didn't delude himself. They had drifted apart while he was still here in DC. If he did end up moving away, drifting would be even easier. He hated that this was the reality but it was what it was. She didn't know him as well as she used to but really, he was probably more to blame for that than she was. He hadn't let her see the changes. Being in her lab all the time, she missed a lot, and that wasn't her fault. It was just the job.

He huffed. He had tried to maintain their friendship despite their respective lives, but he hadn't always felt Abby met him halfway. To be fair, that could be chalked up to the job too. She worked long hours, he worked long hours. She was still dating Burt. Maybe they both were at fault here, and putting all the blame on her wasn't right or fair. Maybe he wasn't as good a friend to her as he imagined himself to be and that it was as much his fault they drifted as it was hers. He winced. He couldn't let their friendship go as long as he felt like he was to blame for it falling apart. He would have to try harder, do better, and not let them drift apart unless he was really, really sure he had done all he could to keep it together. He didn't always like her behavior, but he loved her and that alone made it worth everything. He would have to let her see the changes in him, and he'd have to be more attentive to her, especially if he ended up staying in DC.

He hated to admit it but part of him wanted to move away from DC. New start. New friends. New life. Abby would fight to keep him here in DC but maybe that wasn't the best thing for him. With his new confidence in himself, he needed new friends as well as his old friends, and maybe he needed new friends more. He would talk to Tim again and ask him to quietly search beyond DC for jobs because Abby would cover everything there was to find in a 50-mile radius. If Abby found out, she might get upset at Tim and accuse him of wanting Tony to leave. He couldn't hang Tim out to dry like that so it's better if she didn't know. If Tim did find him a job outside of DC, and he took it, he'd simply tell Abby that he hadn't stopped looking himself just because she and Tim were helping him. That would keep the heat off Tim if she tried to blame him for Tony leaving.

Tony let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He hadn't meant for all this to get so complicated. It really shouldn't be. It wasn't just the secret-keeping part because really, who can keep secrets from investigators? For that matter, Gibbs probably already knew without being told that he was looking.

Still, it felt good to have friends in his corner, helping him with such a monumental change in his life, and he wasn't doing it alone. He thought about talking to Ellie too but ultimately decided to leave her in the dark. No matter how rocky his and Gibbs' relationship was right now, he wouldn't hurt Ellie by doing anything to jeapordize her relationship with Gibbs. He liked her. She was bright, and kind, and she'd had a rough year herself. He wouldn't bring her in the middle of this. It was kinder to leave her out of the loop.

He couldn't tell Ducky either. Ducky would no doubt feel obligated to tell Gibbs and that was the last thing he wanted. No, Ducky couldn't be put in the middle either. He needed to talk to Jimmy but Jimmy would understand and be supportive, of that he had no doubt. Maybe they could have lunch together soon.

Tony closed his eyes and tried to relax. He wondered how long he could go without talking to Gibbs. Not that it mattered since Gibbs wouldn't talk to him. It hurt but it would have to come to a head sooner or later. Maybe he would just wait until he had a new job lined up, that way if things with Gibbs ended badly, he'd have a quick 'out.'

He swallowed the lump in his throat. He couldn't believe he was thinking of a way to have an out if things went bad with Gibbs. He had never believed that things could be so bad with Gibbs but he was wrong. He missed the Gibbs he used to know. The Gibbs who valued his loyal St. Bernard. Maybe he forgot that too.

Tony swallowed again, the lump not having budged from his throat. He had always believed he would take over the team when Gibbs retired but he was still around even though he should have already retired. He still worked in the field, though he left the strenuous work to the younger agents at Dr. Taft's and Ducky's insistence. Maybe Gibbs wouldn't ever retire. Maybe the-powers-that-be determined that he was too good to sideline. Whatever the case, he now had to forge his own path, whatever it was.

Still, the thought of forging his own path stirred excitement rather than fear. He had a lot of skills and they were being underused right now. He knew that, maybe even Gibbs realized that. Gibbs had once said, 'You don't waste good.' Maybe that was why he pushed Tony to move on.

Tony sat up with a start, wide awake. That was it! That had to be it! Right? Gibbs thought he was breaking his own rule so he was trying to fix it. Tony had a flash of a memory of his father telling him that Gibbs told him he was the best young agent he'd ever worked with. Gibbs had never told him that but his father would never have made that up and would never have thought it if no one had said it, so Tony believed Gibbs really had said that. Another memory flashed in his mind of Gibbs telling Senior the story about his 'friend' who paid his father's hotel bill. Gibbs wouldn't have told that story at all unless he felt it worthy of telling, and the fact that he told his father that story…

That could only mean one thing. Gibbs admired him. He blinked several times in succession as that thought set in. Gibbs not only admired him but respected him, and after all this time felt that Tony could do better and be better than he was.

Goosebumps broke out on Tony's skin and a shiver coursed the length of his spine. So many things that hadn't made sense suddenly clicked into place, like doing a jigsaw puzzle where you just pick up a piece and fit it right where it's supposed to go. Once Gibbs paid a compliment, he didn't feel the need to repeat it...ever! Having the best implied you had something to lose. Having something to lose was a weakness. A weakness could be exploited. Being exploited made you a fool. And no one fooled Leroy Jethro Gibbs easily, and if they did, God help them. What if the coldness and the blankness were Gibbs' way of living up to rule 5 without letting anyone know it hurt him to do so?

Tony kicked the covers off, got up, and paced his apartment. Gibbs would never come right out and tell him that he was good and that he needed to move on. Tony had refused promotions before and Gibbs knew he would again as long as he could work with him. Making him feel like he was no longer needed or wanted wasn't about Gibbs not caring, it was about pushing Tony to do better, BE better, just like everything else Gibbs had ever done. Gibbs was still pushing him, still believing in him, even after all these years.

Tears filled his eyes. Gibbs had always believed in him, had never stopped, not once. All this time he had been upset because he thought Gibbs didn't want him around any more, thought Gibbs didn't care any more, felt wounded because his mentor was turning his back on him. His words to Tim suddenly flashed in his mind about his promotion being permanent. If Gibbs was realizing that maybe Tony still could do and be better, maybe he realized that Tim needed a push to do and be better too. Tony flinched at the memory of what Abby had said about his selfishness. All this time, he had thought it was all about him, but what if he thought he was wasting good in Tim too and this was about both of them? Tony knew Tim deserved a promotion, maybe even more than he did. God, he was such an idiot! Why didn't he see this before?

Tony smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks. Gibbs knew Tony wouldn't leave without being pushed. So, his behavior guaranteed this would make it Tony's idea, and that Tony would follow through with it.

Tony let out a breath in a huff and rolled his shoulders, feeling the tension dissipate. He craned his neck and several audible cracks followed as the vertebrae adjusted. He gasped in pain as they settled back into alignment and the muscles in his neck and shoulder blades relaxed and he sighed in relief.

Tony sat down on the couch and rested his head against the back to support his head and neck to allow the neck muscles to more fully relax before he got ready for work, and let his mind drift. The sense of isolation he'd felt over the last few weeks, from both Abby and Gibbs were still keen memories. It had pushed him to seek out his ancestry, looking for family. He remembered that moment in the car when Gibbs asked him about why he was seeking them out.

The concern Gibbs had shown by initiating the question, the fact that he had listened to the answer. It had almost been like being in the basement again like they used to, only they weren't in the basement. They'd been in the car, while working. In that moment, they hadn't just been boss and subordinate. They had been friends, even though things had been tense between them. He should've recognized that moment for what it was. Gibbs was still his friend. The basic essence of the man hadn't changed and he had been handling this the way thought he would need to in order to get Tony to take action, a quiet testament to just how well the man knew him after all. Gibbs hadn't wanted to argue with Tony about moving on; that would've made things worse.

Tony chuckled and spoke aloud to his empty living room. "I gotta hand it to you, Boss. You're good. Really good. I get it now."


	2. Chapter 2

Tony whistled on and off all that day. His good mood seemed to rub off on Ellie. Tim looked at him a little strangely, but didn't question him since they were at work, and he didn't want to risk being overheard, but the mood soon rubbed off on him too. Tony wadded up scrap paper and tossed it at Ellie and Tim, aiming to hit the top of their head or forehead and announcing 10 points on every success, 5 points on every near-miss and "Crap, did you have to move right then?!" when he missed completely. Both Tim and Ellie got in the spirit of the game and they tossed them back, not really trying to aim because Tony wouldn't stay still but just trying to hit him with them at all. Laughter filled the bullpen and Gibbs showed up.

"DiNozzo!" he bellowed.

"Yeah, Boss?" he turned and smiled at Gibbs.

Gibbs hesitated a moment on seeing that smile, but rallied quickly. "I can find you more work to do," he said, his voice softened and Tony recognized the twitch in his lip that meant he was suppressing a smile.

Tony chuckled. "Plenty of work, Boss, making Bish and Tim smile was first on my to-do list."

"You don't keep a to-do list, Tony." Tim rolled his eyes.

"Mental to-do list, McPlanner."

"Mentally check it off and do something else, DiNozzo," Gibbs said as he sat down at his own desk.

"On it, Boss," he said reaching for a case file while simultaneously reaching for one of the wads of paper that he tossed at Bishop's head as he set the file down on his desk. When it hit its mark, Bishop laughed out loud and quickly threw the paper away, feeling Gibbs' gaze on her. She looked up and grinned at Tony who grinned back before they settled in to work. Gibbs let a half smirk reach his face as he looked over at Tony and shook his head at his antics.

Tony glanced up at his boss out of the corner of his eye. His reaction was encouraging. He felt that maybe he was right after all. He wasn't 100% sure; it was hard to ever be 100% sure with Gibbs, but he had a feeling. That just made him smile wider. Behind his smile, he was still a little upset that Gibbs had let him believe he didn't want him around; that hurt a lot, but at the same time, he also wasn't sure if he was more upset about feeling that way or that it took him so long to figure out what Gibbs was doing.

_But what if I'm wrong? What if Gibbs really doesn't want me around any more?_

He shook his head. No. He didn't really believe it. He may not have Gibbs' gut but deep down, he knew that wasn't how Gibbs felt. A few years ago, yeah, he would've questioned that and not really known, but now, deep down, he knew.

Once again, he silently thanked Zoe. He hadn't realized just how many hurdles she'd helped him leap in the months they were together. After Ziva and before her, he'd felt completely unlovable, undesirable, lacking in just about every way. He would never have admitted that to anyone, not even her. Their relationship had been good for him in more ways than one. Even when things weren't so good between them, she hadn't done anything to make him slip backward in his thinking. She still cared about him despite everything, told him so, but it just wasn't enough to help them reach a compromise on things that needed compromising. They parted amicably, more than actually, he thought with a smile, remembering their last night together. He would miss her, but what she had done for him emotionally and mentally far surpassed any pain on their separation. He felt a sudden urge to send her flowers to thank her for that, but as he had never explained how he felt prior to her advent in his life, sending her flowers after they broke up would require explanations he wasn't prepared to offer. There were thank you cards, but that would be tough to explain also. He wished there was some way he could thank her for helping him so much.

With a sigh, he let it go. If their paths ever crossed again, maybe then he would tell her but he wouldn't deliberately seek her out to tell her. For now, his silent gratitude would have to be enough.

The day passed by more or less uneventfully and that evening he found himself at Gibbs' house. To his surprise, instead of being in the basement, he found the man sitting in the living room wearing shorts and an old t-shirt with an icepack on his knee and his face contorted with pain.

"Hey, Boss."

Gibbs didn't look happy to see him. His face was grim and his eyes were narrowed.

Tony studied him a moment. "Pain is bad today, huh?"

Gibbs shrugged, but didn't really answer the question.

"How's the physical therapy going?"

"How do you think it's going? You know how it's going. It hurts!"

"I know, Gibbs. No pain, no gain."

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"Anything I can do?"

Gibbs nodded toward the kitchen and handed him his mug. "Pour me a cup so I don't have to get up." Gibbs handed him his mug.

Tony took it and nodded. "You got it, Boss."

"Hazelnut crap you like is in the cupboard with the sugar."

Tony did a double take at Gibbs and then headed to the kitchen. One cup was gone from the carafe and he poured Gibbs one and fixed himself another.

"Thanks, Boss," Tony said with a smile as he handed Gibbs his mug and then sat down beside him.

"Not your boss here, Tony."

"Thanks, Gibbs." Tony took a sip of the now-palatable coffee.

Gibbs drained half his cup before setting it down and fixed his gaze on Tony. Tony glanced over at him. Tony had imagined this conversation a hundred times since his revelation this morning but now that he was here, words escaped him. He had no idea how to start.

"Something on your mind?" Gibbs' voice was mild, almost mellow.

Tony snorted. "Yeah, a lot actually." Tony stared down into his mug for a moment, hoping for inspiration to jump-start a conversation he had never planned to have until now that he had to have it. Really though, he was here to have the conversation Abby wanted him to have. All he could do was hope he hadn't completely misread everything.

Tony took a deep breath, met Gibbs' gaze and said, "I've been looking for another job."

The grimace that passed over Gibbs' face both surprised him and didn't surprise him at the same time. The man didn't look happy about it. Instead of responding, he reached down and took the ice pack off his somewhat swollen knee and set it on the table. "Yeah," he finally said, like the word was dragged out of him.

"I figured it out."

Gibbs looked up at Tony.

"Yeah, Gibbs. I figured it out. That was one hell of a chance you took on our friendship."

Gibbs suddenly huffed a breath Tony hadn't realized he had been holding.

"I almost didn't figure it out."

"How did you figure it out?" Gibbs looked genuinely curious.

"I remembered rule 5."

Gibbs leaned back against the couch and ran his hands down his face and Tony then saw the strain there. A combination of guilt, remorse, and something else Tony couldn't name.

"I'm a selfish bastard, Tony. Held you back for a long time. Tim, too."

Tony snorted. "No, you didn't. I've been exactly where I wanted to be, and I can't really speak for Tim but I think he feels the same way."

Gibbs smiled a little at this and he took a sip of his coffee.

"But you're right, we both should move up and on. Tim will be a good SFA for you. Give him time to find his footing. He has to learn to handle you in his own way, and you need to listen to him."

"I know, Tony. I've already thought about it." Gibbs finished his cup of coffee. "Have you found anything yet?"

"Not yet. I'm taking my time, trying to find the right one. I've sent my resume to a few places, but Tim and Abby are helping me. They're using their computer whiz skills to cross reference with my resume."

Gibbs smirked. "How did Abby take it?"

"Not well. She'll probably be upset again."

"Not staying on at NCIS?"

"I don't know. If Vance has something to offer me that's not in the job postings and not Agent Afloat, maybe. Really don't want to investigate terrorism any more though so not likely."

Gibbs nodded.

Tony's eyes hardened as he regarded Gibbs. "Again, it's a hell of a chance you took on our friendship," Tony emphasized, his voice cutting, hoping Gibbs got the message that he actually pissed him of. "What if I hadn't figured it out?"

"I knew you would."

"Do you realize how much I want to deck you right now?"

"Yeah. Do it. You explain to Taft."

"I've met him. He'd probably agree with me."

Gibbs laughed then. "You're probably right." They fell into silence for a few minutes and then Gibbs painfully stood up, picked up the ice pack and his mug, lifting it up in a gesture to ask if Tony wanted more. Tony shook his head no and handed him the empty mug. Tony heard Gibbs open the freezer door and put in the ice pack and then he heard him pour more coffee before returning. Gibbs sat back down in a huff.

"Rule 5 isn't the only reason I'm pushing you to move on." Gibbs said before taking another sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, you're finally sick of me. I got that."

The head slap was sudden, forceful and a surprise. He hadn't been head slapped in a long time. Tony looked up at Gibbs who only offered his customary glare.

"Then why?" he said, rubbing the back of his head.

"You killed Daniel Budd."

"Uh yeah," Tony raised his eyebrows, surprised to hear that, before frowning in confusion. "Your point?"

"The Tony DiNozzo I know never would've sought revenge."

"Didn't drag us all to Somalia for tea and cookies," he bit out, referring to Ziva.

"No, but it became a rescue mission. Neither of us really believed she was dead. But you went after Budd."

"And I'd do it again," Tony said bitterly.

"That's why I'm pushing you out. This job, our team, who we've become, has had a bad effect on you. You were a great cop, a better agent, but now, you're turning you into something you should've never become."

"I'm still me, Boss."

"You need to remember why you became a cop in the first place, why you joined NCIS." Gibbs paused, and when he spoke again, his voice broke. "You need to get away from me."

Just a few weeks ago, Tony would've yelled at Gibbs, "I don't want to!" but now, after all these weeks of reflection, he knew that wasn't entirely true. Not any more. He stayed silent as he absorbed Gibbs' words.

"Deep down, you know it's true."

Tony swallowed hard at this, hearing the pain in Gibbs' voice.

"And I know it, too."

The lump in his throat was back but he'd be damned if he was going to cry. He never did before, he wasn't going to start now. He still couldn't quite keep the emotion out of his voice when he finally spoke. "Sixteen years, Gibbs," he said.

"Sixteen of the best years of my career," Gibbs responded without hesitation. "Because of you, Tony."

"Really?"

Gibbs glared, as though daring Tony to question him again.

"Right," Tony said. "You never say what you don't mean."

"Damn right."

"I had planned to just leave without saying goodbye because I believed you didn't want me around any more, didn't care. What if I hadn't figured it out?"

"I knew you would. No doubt in my mind."

"But what if I hadn't? What if one day I was just gone? Then what?"

"Wouldn't have happened. You know me. I knew you would figure it out."

"That's not the point! I almost didn't figure it out and I was growing to hate you because I didn't understand!"

"I wouldn't have let you go without you knowing where I stood."

"Really? Since when?"

"Sixteen years you've had my six and solved cases by my side. I know you. I knew you'd figure it out! Dammit, Tony! No one else would've!"

"So proving a point was a reason to put our friendship on the line?"

"No. You making the right choice for you was reason to put our friendship on the line. You wouldn't leave unless it was your idea. I knew that. I just didn't know how to convince you it was the right choice."

"So you used my loyalty to you against me?"

"I don't deserve your loyalty. It's my fault you turned into something you never should've become. Revenge didn't make my knee stop hurting or take away the scar on my chest."

"Didn't bring back your wife and daughter either," Tony bit out. He normally wouldn't have brought up Gibbs' lost family, but really, who the hell was he to talk to anyone about revenge-seeking?

A sudden and abrupt silence fell over them. Gibbs swallowed hard. "No, it didn't," he quietly agreed. "But I can't regret it."

"I can't regret killing Budd either. That was a clean shoot, Gibbs. It was me or him."

"But you sought him out, intending to kill him anyway."

"I would've arrested him if he hadn't pulled a gun, but I knew that wouldn't happen."

Gibbs huffed. "There was a time you would've felt like there should've been a way to arrest him. You need to get that back if you can, or get out of law enforcement."

"I'm considering that too. Keeping my options open."

Gibbs nodded and smiled sadly.

"So you're pissed that I killed Budd?"

"Not pissed. I just think someone else should've handled it instead of you. Vance disagreed."

"I would've rather stayed here and helped you, but he wouldn't listen to me. He just cut me off and barked orders." Tony hesitated a moment. "Is that why you were so pissed at me?"

Gibbs huffed. "It was…hard going through rehab without you. Trust you more than the sadists."

Tony chuckled. They had often griped and commisserated how sadistic physical therapists were when they went through their various respective injuries and rehab over the years. Both men had been there to push the other through the pain at various times. "Can help you with it now, Boss."

"Don't need help now. I got it."

Tony nodded. "So getting away from you, huh? That mean our friendship too?"

Gibbs jerked his head toward the door. "Door is always open, or call if you move."

Tony slumped backward into the back of the couch and looked diagonally upward toward the ceiling at the far end of the room, not looking at the man beside him. "Gonna miss you, Gibbs."

"Yeah," Gibbs' voice sounded so strained that Tony swallowed hard. He heard grief in the tone and knew Gibbs wouldn't want him to look over, wouldn't want Tony to see him weak.

Still not looking at each other, Gibbs reached over and gave Tony's hand a light squeeze before letting go almost immediately. "Whatever you do, you're gonna do great, Tony." Gibbs got up and walked over to the side table and opened a drawer and pulled out a large manila envelope and dropped it in Tony's lap. It wasn't sealed, just clasped shut. Tony looked up at Gibbs then but Gibbs was already walking toward the basement steps.

Curious, Tony sat up and opened the envelope and pulled out several sheets of fine stationery. First thing he noticed was the NCIS letterhead. He read the first page and his jaw dropped. Gibbs had written a letter of recommendation, a glowing one. As he read the words, 'best young agent I've ever worked with,' among other complimentary words outlining Tony's dedication, loyalty and abilities, tears welled up in his eyes. He now understood why Gibbs had retreated to the basement.

Tony looked at the second document. It was a list of all the commendations that Gibbs had recommended over the years. The list carried over to the third page. Tony had no idea Gibbs had commended him so many times. It was almost a mini biography of the MCRT's toughest cases and included a special notation of when Tony saved Gibbs and Maddie Tyler. Gibbs had never thanked him for it, but instead Gibbs had put his name for the Public Safety Officer Medal of Valor. He hadn't known that either.

Tony wiped a tear away before it could splatter on the expensive paper and he skimmed the rest of the documents which turned out to be several copies of the first three pages. Gibbs thought he should have all these to distribute.

Carefully, Tony straightened the short stack of documents and put them back in the envelope to keep them clean. He sat there a moment stunned. He would never have expected this from Gibbs. He wondered if he got someone else to do the typing or if he did it, but it really didn't matter. Gibbs had signed them himself. Tony swallowed the lump in his throat with a smile, and breathed calmly and evenly to get a grip on his emotions.

After a few moments, he stood up and walked to the kitchen where he knew Gibbs kept a notepad and pen. On it, he wrote a short note and left it on the middle of the table where Gibbs would find it when he came upstairs. Tony then left, taking the manila envelope with him.

~*~

Several hours later, Gibbs came upstairs and he saw the notepad with writing on it and he stopped and pulled out his glasses to read it and swallowed the lump in his own throat and wiped at his eyes, silently blaming the sawdust for making them water.

There were only two words on the paper, _Semper Fi_.

~ fin ~


End file.
